the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
tell me about the eggs
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
