Too much gin, very little bucket
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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