At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
