I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have post one night stand depression
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
