I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
