Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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