So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
