Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
