I seem to have left my pride at pride
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
