I think I am morally bankrupt
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
