My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
