Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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