He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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