One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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