i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
