So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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