Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
