ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
