Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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