'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
