I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
