I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
