We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
