i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
