my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
