he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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