God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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