This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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