moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
