come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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