This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
