Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
