Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
