Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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