I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
