remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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