I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
