remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
