im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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