I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
