roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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