Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
