The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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