i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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