Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
