hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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