There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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