If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
