How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
