I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
