It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
