What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Couch. On fire.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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