This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
