In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
