I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
