All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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