shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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