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your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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